Thursday 28 March 2024

On an act of love

Last Friday, I had left a message on the Mole’s answering machine asking him if he would kindly stay with me on my first night at home. Saturday night, he phoned back. I was a bit surprised by what he had to say. He did not think that me staying in my condo was a good idea. When he had seen me at the top of the stairs, he felt very worried for me. He was quite clear and insistent on this, even after I had said that I understood his concerns and would weigh them very carefully. As I was already tired from the day’s exertions, I didn’t want to discuss the matter further, let alone decide one way or the other. So I said that I understood him and that I took his firmness and determination to get his point across for the act of love that it was.


Since then, I have realized that I had been viewing next week’s trial homecoming as something of a rubber stamp formality. After much thought and discussion with the occupational therapist, I am thinking of it as an experiment and one which I will weigh the results of with lots of care.


Oh, yes. Just for the record the Mole was and is willing to spend the first night with me.

Friday 22 March 2024

On a stationary bike and getting closer to home

Where to start? *Sigh* This is not going to be easy.


Towards the end of today’s physio session, the Physio asked if I wanted to try using the stationary bicycle. I said yes with all but tears of joy. It took a bit of adjusting and fiddling, but I managed to get astride the Cateye Ergocycle 3200. I have no words to describe the feeling of being on something resembling a bicycle again, even it was just a step-through stationary one. Unfortunately, my left knee and ankle aren’t flexible enough for me to fully rotate the pedals, so I just rocked the pedals back and forth in something close to a 270 degree arc, possibly less. I got the Physio to take some pictures.


After lunch, I had a session with the Occupational Therapist to discuss returning home. I am afraid I was remiss in not having thought hard enough about it and not having discussed the timing of it with those who might help. I think I was too fearful of disappointment to hope. The OT said it really could be any time now, at least the trial “weekend” which, it turns out, doesn’t have to be a weekend.


This proved a bit weird as aside from this weekend, the two next weekend have their own peculiar challenges, viz. Easter and the Eclipse. I had been strongly thinking of making my first overnight trip to be going to North Hatley for Easter for a couple of nights and then going out the following Sunday to be in place for the Eclipse on April 8. This makes the weekends too busy to try settling in at home in the condo. The OT suggested that maybe I could do it on the 2nd and 3rd of April, or so. I will have to discuss this with interested parties, but who knows?


While I really want to go home, I am anxious and nervous about it.

Thursday 21 March 2024

On some follow-up

A few posts ago, I mentioned at meeting with some of my fellow condo members. The meeting was held and the other members were quite supportive of my return. They were all willing to help according to their means, e.g. some of them have jobs and the like. It was gratifying.


While my team and I were in the condo on Tuesday, Alexandre, who lives just below me and has keeping an eye on my mail, happened to come by his condo even though it was a work day. We said “Hi” and “Long time no see”. I was mildly disappointed that Jacques wasn’t around.


This afternoon, I was told that after weeks of trying, my doctor here finally made contact with the doctors at the General. The good news is essentially that they haven’t forgotten about me and that I am still on the list of “urgent” surgeries to do. (At least that is what I was told.) The bad news is that they don’t have anything like an actual date or even vague idea of a date.

Wednesday 20 March 2024

On visiting home

I am struggling emotionally these days. My leg feels shackled to a ball. Everything seems extra complicated. Even the weather seems perverse. After a warm spell last week, today has alternated between relatively heavy snow showers and sunshine.


I think I had been keeping my expectations low about the home visit to avoid disappointment. Of course this may have explained why I didn’t feel great joy once I made it up the two long flights of stairs into my hallway. At best, I think I felt a sense of relief. I sat down at my computer desk while the Mole the Holy was shown by the Occupational Therapist and her intern, the best way to manhandle my wheelchair up the stairs and into my condo. 

The OT then put me through my paces, sitting down and getting up from various articles of furniture, including the commode, most from my crutches. She also had me do various tasks in the kitchen and the dining area. There a couple of minor hiccups. First one was getting up from the living room sofa with its new slip cover. It was rather low, so I moved my rump so that I was sitting on the arm of the sofa and therefore high enough to easily use the crutches. There was moment on my was up when one of my crutches slipped a bit, but I managed to keep upright. The second one was the fact that the futon in the media room was too low for me to get out of using crutches. Luckily, the wheelchair fit in, somewhat to my surprise.


On the whole, the OT was satisfied with the condo and me. I was less so.


To be frank, the place was a slovenly mess when I left. James put a heroic effort into tidying the place so the cleaners organized by Alice might be let in by Mummy. I am not happy that it was such a set of Herculean deeds to get it tidy. I also dread having to sort through the boxes that James put the random clutter into, mostly because of the character flaws they demonstrate, but also because of my current physical condition.

Saturday 16 March 2024

On crutches, more

I have done well with crutches. I once did 11 laps of the gym without sitting this week. In preparation for Tuesday’s home visit, I climbed the equivalent of 3 stories in an actual stairwell using one railing and one crutch. Not that either of those accomplishments were easy. I was particularly tired after climbing the stairs. Furthermore, I find my legs are full of stiff and aching muscles much of the time. 


Still, it is easier to walk distances with the crutches than with the walker. Admittedly, at times I get a bit confused as to where I am in the sequence with the crutches and pause while I sort out which foot or crutch should be moved next.


It says something about my physical shape and my behaviour around things that I was given permission to keep the crutches in my room over the weekend in order to practice walking. Of course, I was a mite disappointed that none of the staff in the hall really commented about me walking with crutches today.


In other news, I have realized that I have witnessed several waves of fellow patients go through their rehabilitation here. As if to reinforce the point, I changed roommates yesterday. My fourth roommate left to go home to let his stump heal. A few hours later, my fifth roommate was installed. She in turn then went home for the weekend, leaving the room for myself for the weekend.

Friday 15 March 2024

On a change in pleas

I got a phone call from the RCMP this morning. It seems that the driver changed his plea to guilty for the two most serious charges viz. Failure to stop after accident causing bodily harm and Dangerous operation of a motor vehicle causing bodily harm. The charge of Mischief under 5000$ was dropped.


Sentencing is to occur October 4th, 2024. I will not be required to go to Moncton, though I will probably be required to make a victim impact statement which can be done here in Montreal.


I am not at all sure how I feel about this.

Monday 11 March 2024

On crutches

I woke this morning feeling rather low for various reasons. I cried over my oatmeal at breakfast. Things just felt wrong.


After a full set of upper body exercises on the Hoist machine, I went to my physio session. I expressed my low state of mind to my Physio. I also showed her the Mole’s pictures of the Condo. This may have triggered something as after doing some exercises on a bed with a large ball, she had me try to climb the test staircase using a crutch under one arm as if I were going up my inside staircase with only one handrail. This went quite well. So well in fact, that she then got a second crutch and asked me to try walking with them. That went very well. Admittedly, while I was using them, she asked me: “Are you afraid? Or are you sure?”

“Somewhere in-between.” Was my answer. However, I felt better for using them.


Addendum:

I went down to the gym after lunch to do some laps with the walker. After two laps, the Physio asked me if I wanted to do my laps using crutches. I did two more with her in close company, then another with her in more distant company, before doing another entirely on my own. I started another lap but quickly realized that I was sufficiently tired that I couldn’t use the crutches reliably. It was too hard to remember which step came first. I went back to wheelchair and switched back to the walker. I did another five laps making for a total of eleven, four with crutches and seven with the walker. That is a record number of gym laps for yours truly.